i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize