I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
