I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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