It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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