He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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