She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
