i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
