when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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