I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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