if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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