after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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