Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
