not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
