Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
