I puked a lego.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
