You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
BRING THE BAGELS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
