She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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