I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize