I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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