I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
