i just had sex bonerless
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
