6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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