it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
