Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
