Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
