Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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