Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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