Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need mimosas to revive my soul
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
