I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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