i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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