I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
