it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
