this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
