he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
