it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize