I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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