I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
