what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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