hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Welp...herpes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
