Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love you.
Bad choice
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
