I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
