I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
