Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize