my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
