Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
