ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize