did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're a waste of cheezeits
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
