your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
