At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
