is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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