I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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