take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
