I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
