so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
