i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
