when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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