dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize