dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
