Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
