There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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