Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
