I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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