I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
