I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
