is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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