Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
