hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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