Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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