I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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