Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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