If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
