her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
