he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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