But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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