sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
