fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
