im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
