You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
