i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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