I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
