yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
