So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
