I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
