I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
