; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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