Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
