Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
