2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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